“lost book” - a journey through phases of woe.
composed and performed by sam amidon. recorded by shahzad ismaily.
PIG CORNER:
PIG GETS STUCK / Caffeine, found in this delicious Morrocan Mint Tea.
PIG TRIES TO UNSTUCK PIGSELF / I’m listening to a beautiful album, “Ali and Toumani,” check it
PIG STRUGGLES WITH PIGSTRAINTS / just found an old copy of waugh “scoop” on the bookshelves ohoho gonna have to read it again!
PIG PAUSES TO CONSIDER PIGSCAPE ROUTES / im excited about “L’Atalante” showing at BFI this week go!
ACTORS AND THEIR CRAFT
“I reveal my shadow every time I work… The pain, shame, anger and rage, creativity and sexuality” -John Cusack
POETRY CORNER
Grime Rapper Eet Nibble releases Valentine’s Day single, “Love Portion.” Lyrics to “Love Portion:”
Sandwich and fuzzy pop
I definitely made the right decision
Your hands
Fizzy feeling in my sandwich
Snag
KING SPEECHY
King Speechy begins his “visual painting” by exhibiting the temporality of fear.
POETRY CORNER
New poem by Justin Bieber, “Monk Farm”:
I walked up a mountain
This was before I changed my name from Kurt Cobain
To Justain
Think us
SONGWRITING CORNER
Eet Nibble’s new song Monk Farm is inspired by Justin Bieber’s poem of the same name. “Bieber’s work is something I always turn to.” -Nibble
ODE
Thank you Pitchfork for teaching me about so much beautiful music in your “best new song” column!!!
Dear Pitchfork “best new song” feature: you are like a beautiful fish that swims and swims and you lead me to all these new songmusicponds! I never saw so many different ponds of song before!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
Come on! Let’s all go home
COMMENT
Strength is for losers
JUMSTON MEETS JUSTIN
“You’ve got something wrong. Yeah, you don’t fully comprehend what’s going on around you!!!” -Jumston Bibe to Justin Bieber
(Jumston keep a eye out for Justin real strogg ad help him see obstacle)
Jumston Bibe work at a swish sloppy house eat eat eat! He see Justin when he done w tour for recon
RADIO PROGRAMME
Tonight, on Radio NOW, a celebration of the life and work of Wynton Marsalis on the occasion of the centennial of his birth!
WARNING
You won’t be the first
BLUES CORNER
“The strawberry is my spirit animal.”
-Robert Johnson
BUSINESS NEWS
Efficiency is for powerful losers.
LITERARY TRANSLATION CORNER
Fuck it, I’m gonna do new translations of all the Murakami books. It’s time. Watch out Murakami, I’m translating your damn books! Your time is up!
There is a new Haruki Murakami translator in town. Yes. And his name is JOHN COUGAR MELLEN VACATION. John Cougar Vacation’s first act as Murakami translator: add more quotations!! More quotations of great men like William Jennings Bryant.
First sentence from “Wind-Up Bird Chronicle”: “Do not compute the totality of your poultry population until all the manifestations of incubation have been entirely completed.” -William Jennings Bryant
JCV finds all this translating to be a lot of work. Murakami why u wrote so many words? I push u out of the way to make my translate pure!
NEWS OF THE WORLD (Groundhog Edition)
AMINAL NEWS
A wolf just howled right at me. Howl at yourself, wolf!
DIARY CORNER & BOOK NEWS
I’m writing a new book called “Synthesizer Themes: The Help, Hangover 2, Kung Fu Panda 2”. It is a written analysis of some synthesizer music I composed after watching those three films back to back.
It will be published shortly after Part Two of my memoir, “Wild Hearts: Laura Bush, Carlos Castaneda, and Me.”
My new memoir “Wild Hearts: Laura Bush, Carlos Castaneda, and Me” covers a very intense period of my life that I’ve heretofore not spoken of. Suffice it to say that Laura and Carlos were into some very, very deeply introspective shit back in those days!
POETRY CORNER
New poem by Justin Bieber:
little salamander
you are just like me
lisbeth salander
you just like me
we all feel fresh!
I think.
New poem by Barack Obama:
Feeling tired is okay
Big Bird makes me feel tired
Watching him
I try to close my eyes
But he so closeclose!
ALBUM REVIEW
Dave Brubeck Take 5 - a beautiful album of astonishing melodic and conceptual clarity!!!
JCV
New single from me aka John Cougar Vacation “Real Stuff:” raise taxes / rack up the flax seed / Mellon at the camp fire / cats in the catfry
EXCERPT FROM “SELECTED CORRESPONDENCE”
Dear Koala bears, you are so lazy!! Sincerely, John Cougar Vacation
ACADEMY AWARDS ROUNDUP
Wait did Kirsten Dunst win an Oscar lifetime achievement award for most finely calibrated fckn acting performances ever yet or not??
DIARY ENTRY
I see you in your car. Your eyes are speaking to me. I recognize you from the Justin Bieber Festschrift Book Release Party.
MUSIC NEWS
British Grime Rapper Eet Nibble enlists young hiphop DJ Nick Draxk to produce his new album. First single “Fried Eyepplesauce” debuts at #13
Lyrics to “Fried Eyplessauce:”
Giant whispering and coughing from
Vast Sunday-full and organ-frowned-on spaces
Precede a sudden scuttle on the drum,
‘The Queen,’ and a huge resettling. Then begins
A snivel on the violins:
I think of your face among all those faces.
I just wrote a new poem. Its called “Music of Chance”
music of chance
music of chance
music of chance
music of chance
music of chance
Tell R____ that your label was a subsidiary of Arista Records called Aristarchus Shroom, releasing oboe-only albums, and that you signed Mariah Carey as an oboist before she started dating Tommy Mottolla who encouraged her singing career.
Now you are no longer connected to Arista but you retain the contacts you built up during that time, none of whom are “human” per se, but valuable nonetheless.
You don’t sign contracts but you do videotape R’s visual facial response to the terms that are laid out. No sound is recorded but the videotape of R’s face can later be used to try and remember what terms you agreed upon.
As far as promotion goes, it is normally the case that you hire two top publicity firms for $4000 per month each, without telling either about the other. You have found that this tends to create a sufficiently chaotic environment within which the record can be brought into the world. However, in R’s case, you are anticipating that you might have to hire three publicity agencies.
If R is interested in hearing some of the other albums your label has released, you are happy to send him download codes for the last 5 releases, but you have to fucking record them first, seriously could R just back off on that one a little bit, you don’t know why R is taking that particular tone with you right now. 3 of them you already have fucking songs for alright?
You do want to beseech him to keep in mind, however, that the albums you have previously release (as you said, you will be recording them shortly) are really not at all the direction you are perceiving for your label to take in the next few months. Any new artists that you consider signing must understand this and adjust their priorities accordingly.
What is this new direction? You can whistle it for him, but he has to put his ear right here, yeah, right below your whistling lips, that’s nice, can he feel the air coming through, his breath emerging in the tightly controlled circular channel of lips? The combination of that sensation on his ear, and the high A that you are whistling- that’s kind of the new shit you are hoping to put out more of on your label.
———-
Ps tell him that your label does specialize in on-location recording but only if he thinks there’s room in the budget for the slaves.
Did he think you meant human slaves?! Ohohohoho what an absurd misunderstanding. Of course you could never have meant such a thing. Slavery in America was abolished more than a hundred years ago, and your label is not interested in challenging that particular social taboo just yet…
No, in the parlance of your label, “slaves” refers to the series of scientific formulas created by a beat scientist your label has frequently worked with. These formulas, when confronted with the right form of oboe playing, refract the oboe sound into like 4 different emotional zones so that multiple albums, which sound very similar but have radically different phenomenological and emotive effects, can be released.
NEWS OF THE WORLD - NEW YEARS 2011-2012 EDITION
YOU
You are so light, you still light, you are still light.
KING SPEECHY - NOW
At a 3am port tasting in the hamptons: King Speechy’s somewhat evasive defense of Delacroix leads to a bloody nose & one drunken smudging.
POETRY CORNER
New poem by Justin Bieber “Girl Woman”:
define lightness
phone home
I remember phone home for the first time
you were there
you now
New poem by Barack Obama “Bachmann Canto IV”:
Mummyapolis Mummysota
Different lingams like a big and a small one
Bed. Now.
French Wii
THEATRE
British Grime Rapper Eet Nibble’s first play, an incendiary political drama called “The Last Gasp of a Dying Aminal,” is financed by Wounded Animal Solutions.
The play is doubly intended to raise WOS-related issues and create jobs for some recently-unemployed worker bees.
Eet Nibble’s alliterative dialogue is difficult for the bees to internalize. Sample phrase: “my gasp, my wounded gasp, bzzzz a bee gasping”
KING SPEECHY - HIS JOURNEY BACK FROM EXILE, PT 1
Loaded with recent “paintings” and songs, King Speechy calls at various places along the coast, displaying his wares.
His post-smudgings legal status still in limbo, each location of his traveling shop is announced only by word of mouth and last minute.
At the third port a number of women stand near King’s vessel, buying what they fancy.
King describes his latest painting to the women: “a rational voluptuary adheres with invariable respect to the temperate dictates of nature.”
trajectory of your giggle…
best movies of the year: melancholia, melancholia, bridesmaids, melancholia
best albums: eamon o’leary “old clump,” paul motion “the windmills of your mind,” drake “take care”, gillian welch “harrow & harvest,” lou reeed and metallica “lulu”
best day: july 10
best rock: that one over there. best rock: that one over there. best rock: that pebble. best rock: big rock. best rock: rock rock.
